Matters of the Heart

In these busy times this author believes that where we live, how we live and what we do all pale in comparison to how we express our love to others.  
 
To love intentionally, planning will be required.  Swirling around in my head have been some thoughts as to how to go about this.

To better express my love for the people who are important to me, I need to identify who they are and rank them.  That sounds a little cut and dry, but think about it – don’t you have unspoken rankings of people you know? 

Consider if you will, those to whom you give Christmas cards versus Christmas gifts; birthday cards (calls, emails, texts, Facebook posts)  versus birthday presents.  How about your guest lists for holiday parties, cookouts, weddings and so on? Whether written or simply in our minds, these lists imply a sort of value ranking of our relationships.  Don’t they?

As I continue my pursuit to love more intentionally those who are most important to me, I will take a look at how often and through what means these love connections have taken place over the past several years.  Have our communications occurred weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly or beyond?  Has the quality of the relationship strengthened or weakened over time? Is the relationship heading in the direction that is best for all concerned?

There are friends I feel compelled to talk with every two to three weeks.  It’s like I need a  friend fix. These close friends and I make time for each other – to grab a cup of coffee and visit over the phone for a bit.   To talk with them is like a “shot in the arm.” (Just to be clear for anyone who did not grow up hearing this expression, a “shot in the arm” is intended as something good for a person, not a painful experience.)

Then there are other friends with whom I may connect every six months or yearly as we exchange Christmas cards and family highlights of the past year.  (Perhaps the Christmas cards with family update letters say a lot about peoples’ desire to stay connected regardless of these busy lives we lead.)  Anyway, it seems there is a rhythm to these love connections – something to do with frequency, mode of connection and desire.

As I review each relationship and consider my desire for this relationship the future, I’ll rank each one. With only so much time to spend with those I love, I must define the optimal love connection for each person who is important to me.  Then again, simply not forgetting a dear friend’s birthday or a nephew’s little league game would be a great improvement. 

To do anything well, I must be deliberate.  By July 15th, I intend to do the following:

• Identify the people with whom I wish to have a lasting relationship,
• Define my ranking system based on moving forward in time and  my level of commitment to the relationship,
• Define frequency of contact per relationship (daily, weekly, monthly, yearly)
• Identify options for connecting  (outings, phone, email, Facebook, special occasions, holidays, etc) and
• MOST OF ALL write it all down.

Once written, implementation of a system of Outlook Calendar reminders synched with my new iPhone, plus the occasional Post- it note should insure my success.  If  Follow-Through was for sale, I’d buy a bottle of that too!

You may be wondering what prompted these grand plans of mine.  If so let me shed a bit of light as to my why.  My adult life has involved relocating at least ten times, accruing lovely friends, colleagues and lots of  neighbors along the way.  Stretched over time and many miles, I have a pretty long list of people that have been a part of my life. Within the past year, I relocated within 25 miles of where I was raised.  Locally, I have many relatives and school mates whom I’ve not lived near since the seventies.  It is taking time for me to adjust to being back home. 

With this transition, I want to reflect on who I am in relation to all those who are a part of me.   There are folks that I never want to let time or good intentions lead to our drifting apart.

Despite E-mail, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc my top of the mind approach to staying connected, I’m afraid will only become more tedious as time goes on.

To embrace my relationships with the people who are the very fabric of my life,  I think a system will help. 

Do you have a system?

                                                                                                                – by Jean Schnaak, Designer of  The Loving Heart Collection by Jean Schnaak^®